I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
