just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
