: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think i have two assholes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
