so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
