So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
