so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
