You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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