If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
