i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
