Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
