You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
they're like a gay fantastic four
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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