So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
