I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
