You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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