just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
