i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
