puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
