I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
3pm strippers are depressing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
