Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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