Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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