yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
