I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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