That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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