Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
