dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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