should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
