we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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