Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
