I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
