matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
