Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
