Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Randomize
