Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
