my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
