I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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