we're blogging at a bar
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
