My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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