I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
