It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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