I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize