don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
