I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
