I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
