i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
