your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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