His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
