grandma shit on top of the toilet
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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