My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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