I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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