you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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