I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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