i would punch a child for taco bell
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
