She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
