I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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