people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My ass is underappreciated
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
