Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
