Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The power of my boobs compel you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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