Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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