youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
