You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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