Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
