i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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