I wish my penis had an off switch
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
