I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
