If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
ok first of all what the fuck
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
