I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
