i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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