I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
