Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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