So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
