my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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