haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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