Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
