we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
