Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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