Your face is a jimmy john
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
