she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
