Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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