HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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