There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i think my cat just said my name.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
