I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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