Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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